Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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