Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
