how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Michael Bay diarrhea
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
