he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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