I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
