I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
