so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wish they made helmets for livers.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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