Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
