Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
