He had one of those small greek statue penises
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
