Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
