I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
