is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
