Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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