I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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