can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
