Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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