I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
a search helicopter?!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
