I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
