How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
