I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My vagina is officially offended.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
