its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
