Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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