and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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