There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
