That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
