good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
