Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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