He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
