just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
