Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
