You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
