I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
