awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
