Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
