youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
