He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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