Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
