The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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