Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You're like the curious george of whores
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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