Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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