i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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