Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
