Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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