I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
