At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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