You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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