why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
