so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He uses pillows to masturbate.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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