i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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